gishwhes

Miss Jean Louis: A Tale of Fire and Thunder, pt 1

The night of Miss Jean Louis’ birth was a most dangerous one. Her parents, whose names have been lost to the tides of history (much like many aspects of Miss Jean Louis’ life), had sought shelter in the castle home of King Arthur. This courtly location was one of the most well fortified in England at the time: Cadbury Castle, Somerset. Or as legend has come to regard it (depending on who you talk to):

Camelot

Gods old and new appeared much against Miss Jean Louis gaining a foot in this realm. The journey to Camelot was fraught with dangers that no expectant mother should have to deal with. Five miles from their goal, Miss Jean Louis’s parents were greeted by an old god — their name again lost in the annuals of history — who stopped them on the road and said:

The birth of your child shall not pass. It will bring too much joy upon the land.

It was Miss Jane Louis’ father who stopped this threat. Having possession of a pair of dragon scale gauntlets — won in a game of dice from a fallen knight — Miss Jean Louis’ father was able to catch the fireballs belted their way by the angry god.

And then bowl them back. Thus creating one of the earliest versions of cricket. The god was unable to repel its own powers and was consumed by the flames.

Once the old god had been dispatched, an escort from Camelot — the Knights of the Round Table — arrived to protect both mother and father as they continued the last leg of their journey. Thankfully no other threats happened upon them during this short ride. However, Sir Galahad did make a pass at Miss Jean Louis’ mother and was summarily punched by Miss Jean Louis’ father.

Cadbury Castiel, Somerset

Cadbury Castle, Somerset in 2005

They soon made it within the safe walls of Camelot. King Arthur, upon greeting the soon to be parents, apologized for the behavior of Sir Galahad and sent him off to take sensitivity training. Records show that all animals in the castle’s main courtyard in fact bowed to Miss Jean Louis’ mother upon their arrival.

It was not long after crossing the threshold of King Arthur’s home that Miss Jean Louis’ mother began to have contractions. Having been summoned from a party with water nymphs, Merlin joined the court’s midwife in the royal chambers — Arthur having been kind enough to lend use of his private rooms — and assisted on the delivery.

All was fine until an almighty thunderstorm was whipped up outside by Morgana who had decided, for no good reason, to get very angry about Miss Jean Louis’ impending arrival. While Merlin was busy shouting off of a watch tower, telling Morgana to just “cut it out”, Morgana is claimed to have said:

But this child is going to make too many people happy and I cannot, will not, allow this. So step aside, Merlin.

Merlin was having none of this and told Morgana to:

Get a life and stop being such a damn spoil sport.

Morgana pouted and left after that, the thunderstorm quelled and leaving behind a dazzling rainbow over the castle of Camelot.

Not wanting to wait any longer, Miss Jean Louis chose that moment to finally be birthed into the world. She did not cry or scream. Instead she was calm and smiling as she was laid within the arms of her mother. Her father incredibly proud.

That night, King Arthur began five days of feasting to honor the birth of Miss Jean Louis.

Image of Cadbury Castle by Joe D used under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 1.0 Generic license.

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